UNUSUAL

Well, for the first time, I made contact with the weed. It felt weird, but it was very light. It was as though my body was under the control of a gentle electric shock where each cell appeared to be detached from another and functions independently. The weirdest thing of all was that I was able to command my body mentally, however, it appeared that it was not totally following the instructions that my brain impulses. I was conscious, at the same time, unconscious and subconscious to a certain degree. It made the world appear to be more detailed, I could somehow see the ugliness, within this world, much more clearly. However, the details within contradict each other, where white is white, black is black, but simultaneously you see that white can, in fact, be black and vice versa. It was a very interesting experience, I wouldn't deny that. But, during that time, I was more focused about one thing. Was I really high, or was my body trying to simulate the "highness" because that is the expectation?

Rain

Rain is seem as a metonym of doom or a bad omen. In songs, rain is used as a symbol of sadness. Shakespeare uses it to foreshadow an ominous event. Many other composers also utilize rain with dark connotations. However, there is a certain tranquility within rain. Rain is not necessarily bad. It brings prosperity to the farmers and their crops. It washes away the dirty spots on the roads. It is a very vital part of life and it is very valuable to so many people. Then why do people go about and relating it to such terrible images? What I am concerned is why is there a such a stark distinction between the good and the bad?

OR

On or off
In or out
hot or cold
Cool or warm
Wet or Dry
Silent or loud
Hard or Soft

Content

I am pretty happy with today. It was ordinary, however, it was very satisfying. Watched porn, chucked a fat wank, ate some Maccas, played a game of League and saw Yiwen. Nothing special happened, but I was very content with it. It is perhaps I have not had one of these ordinary days for so long. Last time, I had it, it dated back to maybe 5 weeks ago. It was so long ago that I could no longer recall the exact time but everything was fine. Porn was juicy. Wank was stimulating. Maccas was delicious. League was victorious. Yiwen looked gorgeous. Couldn't ask for anything better. Actually, maybe if Calvin came out and drove me home today. It would seem alot more complete.

Stage 1- MASLOW

Stage 1 of Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that people would need to satisfy their physiological needs- needs that are deemed to be important for human survival. These needs include water, food, shelter, sleep and, interesting enough, the fulfilment of sexual instinct. Fulfilment of the sexual instinct is not define as sexual pleasure in this, instead it recalls the importance of mortality and birth rates. This is essential for the survival of humanity. As a human, our ability to pass on our blood is crucial within physiological means. This is not a problem for people in developed countries. Like me and other million in Australia, the stage one of our needs is fulfilled effortlessly. The government has provided the whole nation with an equal starting place for these needs. That is to say, people begin where their need is satisfied. In fact, people in developed countries live in a place where there is an abundance of the physiological means. Which leads me to the question: where do the homeless people on the streets of Strathfield, Burwood or Hornsby come from? This is an evidence for the lack of commitment by the government. Abbott's party is trying to rob away the rights of Australian people. For fuck sakes, we should get rid of him already.

Lion and Hare

A lion ruled a land of the fair,

Brave and strong,

Terror struck the land of the wild

And peace would even disturb the bear.

One day, a hare brushed past this plain,

Small, but, strong,

She faced the lion with very little

fear for her master is named Jane.

The sun glared down,

Rain never fell

For months and years

Under the terrors of the lion.

But, that day, storm struck the land,

Water engulfed the field,

Animals cry in more terror,

As the water washed away the sand.

The lion stood upon the sand and salt,

He saw the hare who passed by,

He question,

"Is this rain to be your fault?"

"No, your valiant Lord"

Hare sang in denial

"For this rain to come

As for the purpose of a reward."

Change

People say that I am changing. I do not deny it, but, I am hesitant to say whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. Honestly, I cannot see these changes. It is difficult to see these changes, because, most people like me, don't really like changes. It is like asking a narcissistic person to see any flaws on his face. He wouldn't be able to see it, not even a single indent. He is blinded by his belief of his perfection. I am like that in a way, but, I do believe that I can be changed. The forces of nature and society is too overpowered for one to resist.
People say that I am less attentive to their emotions and feelings. That is not true. I smell sadness that lurks from people. I hear screams within their minds. I notice it all, but I never get the chance to act. And, sometimes, when I try to reach out, I get pushed away. I am not complaining, nor am I trying to excuse my change. It is just that people should understand I am there for them, even when I cannot talk to them.
I have not changed to push people away. I guess my change will only be temporary. Ill be myself after HSC.