Line

These days, my life seems to be bounded by big black inky line. A line that is marked by the attitudes confines my opinions and attitude to the world. It seems like a line has been drawn to everything. It makes me feel that I need to get my acts together and know and accept the boundaries that have been put in place. It may be because my birthday is coming up in a weeks time. I'll be 18 then. My mind is perhaps preparing me for the real world where I have to be responsible for everything I do. Meaning, I should not rely on my parents anymore, even though they were never much help to me. I love them, but its just that they haven't really played much in my life. I have only learnt to not take the bad things from them.

Immortality?

As the time goes on, on and on,

My life, no longer, stands still,

And I can't win this marathon

To let my life be raven's kill.

 

As the clock ticks, my own soul last,

Yet others pass with life's farewells,

While I wish my death comes fast,

Wishing to hear no more church bells.

 

I stared at my hourglass,

As specks of sand drop as time goes,

As church bells ring and ravens pass,

To pass before the death's gate close.

 

Scared of death, now scared of life,

Realised immortality is no prize,

After painful visions of my wife,

To be the one to do in my eyes.

 

Bid me to weep, and I will weep,

At the visions which my eyes see,

Eternity, I have died too deep,

Return me to what I used to be.

 

Families dead, friends are gone,

Forever is no longer what I want,

Since I know my prestense desire is wrong,

Forgive me and give back what I want.

 

I envy the graves beneath the beech,

Believing that one day, it will be me,

To be a dead man, and be leeched,

To be me like normal man to me.

 

Yet as I turn round, I see that

My candle is still burning and haven't rot,

I realised my life is like a rat,

When immortality is all I got.

Blinded

People can only see what I allow them to see.
What I allow people to see is less than 2% of who or what I am.
Just to remind you all that there is no point of judging me.
I choose to be nice to you when I want to.
If you decide to treat like shit, I will make sure you regret it.
I will immerse myself in darkness and destroy you.
When I plan to destroy someone, I will not do it lightly.
I will choose the grandest method of destruction and make sure that it doesn't stain my hands.
No one will know the truth.
No one will need to know the truth.
People will be blinded from the truth.

mum

I could never really thought much about parents and family.until today. My stepmom got drunk.today and she began talking about how i should be more considerate about my mum. She said i should put my.mom.before her as in the end she is the illegitimate one. She was really pitiful and the fact I am saying this makes her even more pitiful. She has been struck with the most injustice of all. She got.divorced, bore a girl who is a bitch and in the end ends up with my father. She deserves and it led me to question that whether life is fair or not.
I dont really like to talk about my own mother. I just think she had too much role in my gynophobia. Its the past and i know i should get over it. It is a taboo. Well to my family they never took note of it. I had concealed it well for some time.

Fool

Don't be a fool  for the city lights? Yes, people shouldn't be a fool for what they aspire, because they will become distracted from their real intentions in life, to survive within the environment. In a way, I am relating it to my life. I have been blinded by my ambition to overrule most people that i began to be insensitive to other people's emotion. In some way, my dad's principles have influenced me. It appears to be true that I inherit parts of my father. His self-righteousness is becoming a part of me. I don't like the feeling but it is an instinctive response to things and matter. There is an overwhelming desire within people that initiates people's motive to "wreck" and dominate others. It is innate within human.

control

what people want is control. They require control in almost every part of their life. I am not talking about control as in dominance over other people although it plays a small part within control. More specifically, I am talking how people can grapple with their own life. Control is the ability to manifest one's own desire, and at most time it fails. Only a few people in this world that can have control of their lives. It is not the prime minister, nor is it his fellow parliament. It is neither rich nor is it the most resourceful person. It is the weak and poor they can have absolute control the control of their mind.

Indifference

I have to do well.  More like, I need to do well in tomorrow's exam. I have put in so much effort on this assessment. I have asked for help. And, I tell you, I am not the type that is willing to ask. To be honest with you, it does hurt my pride sometimes, because I am a man, a man who has strong principles about his own life. I wouldn't go about asking people questions, because i keep my business to myself and I also keep other people's business that involves me to themselves. I do like to get involved in gossips. Because gossips and shit talk are fun. Despite the immorality and ethics issues associated with it, it does bring joy and entertainment to people.