18

Im 18 yes i guess the only one who reached 18 from there. I arrived in a peaceful manner.
ONE OF THEM DIED. NEVER ABLE TO REACH 18.
ONE OF THEM SPENT THE NIGHT IN JAIL. ANOTHER ONE IS FAMOUS.

Resolution

So tonight, I had a pretty long conversation with my dad. It was too bad surprisingly. It became evident that in the end no matter what his ways are, he is still a dad.  However, he is no longer the man with immutable laws. He let loose a little tonight. He became understanding and saw that have absolute control over me is pointless.
Here are some points he addressed:
As a man of 18, i need to be responsible for all the decision you make. I would tell you that from tomorrow on you will need to act accordingly to morals and ethics. The past years were my effortless methods in developing your sagalicity. Anyways, from now on you are allowed to drink and smoke, i know i cant stop you but please be responsible. I like to advice you to not take drugs and smoke (sorry). And, about girls, if you do have a girl friend, please be responsible for her as well and treat them fairly.

It was a side I have never seen.

Anyways, from tomorrow,
I will be more responsible.
I will get rid of my non-seriousness when being serious.
I will quit smoking by the age of 26.

The next step is 25, another massive change and a part in me says that i should get married by them.

Drunk

To explore into.my.emotions this what i need. A bottle of spirit, me in mood swings, candles and private space make the perfect recipe to.understand myself. Also an essential piece i need is a diary. Honesty can only be achieved when one is subconscious. Being conscious just means that one will try to manipulate the truth that makes it easier for the person to handle.

MIRROR

SOMETIMES YOU STARE INTO THE MIRROR. YOU LOOK AT IT AND TRY TO PICK UP AS MANY FEATURES AS YOU THINK THAT DEFINES YOU. IT COULD BE THE FOLDING FAT ABOVE YOUR LEFT EYEBROW, PATCHES ON UNEVENLY GROWN HAIR BELOW YOUR CHIN. THOSE ARE THE FEAUTURES THAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE. BUT WHAT IF ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND REALISE THAT IT IS NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE. YOU GOT A NEW FACE, A NEW BODY, A NEW IDENTITY. BUT WOULD YOU LIVE WITH THAT IDENTITY OR WOULD YOU BE TERRIFIED UNTIL YOUR WITS BECOMES FLOODED.

P.S. THIS IS SIMILAR TO MY DREAM ABOUT JANE 

she

I shouldnt have denied my feelings to her. It wasnt really the truth. I like her but i just cant say it out loud to anyone else that i like her. Most people do know that i like her though. I reckon she knows it herself. But i wouldnt dare to ask her. Im too scared for that well not about being rejected or anything but the fact that i have to confront people with a harsh true scares me. Being serious is not something im good at so yeh.
When my mum asked me to bring a girl to dinner on my bday, i really wanted to do something about it with her.

dusk til dawn

I MADE NO RECOLLECTION OF WHAT THEY MEANT UNTIL THE AGE OF 13. YES IT IS PROBABLY I WAS STILL AN ILLITERATE CUNT. BUT SOMEHOW I MANAGED TO USE THE IMAGERY IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT. THIS IMAGERY IS SO POWERFUL AND IT IS ONE OF MY FAVOURTIE. IT TAUGHT ME THAT THERE IS ALWAYS AN END AND A BEGINNING. BETWIXT THE END AND THE BEGINNING, LIES THE PROCESS. TODAY NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT THE PROCESS. PEOPLE JUDGE EACH OTHER LIKE THEY ARE JOB APPLICANTS WHERE THEIR PRESENTATION IS ALL THAT MATTERS. NO ONE REALLY GOES DEEP AND  TRIES UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE IMAGE.

History

As Julian Barnes wrote “History is that certainty produced at the point where the imperfections of memory meet the inadequacies of documentation.”, history is based upon uncertainties. In the end, history is unarguably biased and inaccurate. That is all that i can say as an observer. It is the words of the victor, the delusion of the vanquished.