Writing

Learning to write with flair is pretty difficult. I no longer read nor do I spend time putting my own thoughts to paper. All I could do now is come up with a sea of ideas, but never have I really captured that scene on paper. One book has always inspired me to write. Well, two books to be exact. They are "The Sense of an Ending" by Julian Barnes and "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby. It isn't that they produce explosion of vibrant images, using stimulating imageries or stunning juxtaposition, but its about the chemistry these words have formed with me. The words appear simple, but they establish a connection where you really think the person in the novel is you. Maybe, it is because of the similarity between the main character and I, how we are both sexual failures, except I'm probably in a more utterly dire situation compared to them. But, I really like that resigned, contemplative mood the novelist creates. It really does draw out experience and reality. I also enjoy this feeling of being old and coming into the state where you are willing to accept all consequences and all past failures that are no longer amenable. It hints a calming death, a silent and peaceful one where the old man smiles because he has had more than enough of what he had asked for.

Desperate

It hasn't been long since we became quite close and now she began to rely on me in some way. However, she hasn't seen me as a candidate for a love yet. She is getting desperate and is considering to try to fall in love with someone she doesn't even like. It makes me more desperate because I know I finally have a chance with her. I know that this would be better than before and I know that she'll get hurt if she ends up with. But time is running against me. If I have some more time, if I could somehow drag this out, I'm sure she'll realise that her life could be better with me.

A new brand

There was this feeling I had when I liked Yiwen. People may see that feeling as something that resembles a tragedy. Well, it wasn't really a tragedy but I'm sure it was fit for top ten unrequited love in the Guinness Records. But let me explain that feeling.
It was a pain. It was a pain which reminds you about how lonely you are and how the world tries to reject any effort. It weighed heavily on your heart, you felt as if you were going to fall down into a abyss.
However, after that disappeared, I've realised how pleasant that sensation was. I wouldn't really say it feels pleasant. Losing it felt like losing a part of yourself and you began to appreciate how worthwhile that feeling is even though you got nothing out of it. Without it, you feel void, you feel even more hopeless, you feel as though you have lost all your sense of humanity.
Today, I rediscovered it and it felt great. I felt as though life itself is rushing through me. A new brand is lit within me and maybe i'll let it burn more ferocious than before.

Next step

Taking a step forward so I'm going to start a new blog. I'm going to name it Welcome to forever because we are always moving constantly moving forward towards future but we always want to live and enjoy some of the current moment forever. So come and have a look at

tomorrowforus.blogspot.com

Next step

Taking a step forward so I'm going to start a new blog. I'm going to name it Welcome to forever because we are always moving constantly moving forward towards future but we always want to live and enjoy some of the current moment forever. So come and have a look at

tomorrowforus.blogspot.com

Savage

It's clear that people need to be educated or disciplined. That's the conclusion I made as I waited for a bus in Windsor. Windsor is what people would consider the downtown. It is too distant from the majority of the city that it began to construct it's own governance. Their education and legal system are based upon that of the state's however it is loosely focused compared to other parts of Sydney.
It was a frightful image when coming across a handful of school kids who appeared to be much younger than me. However they behaved in ways which was very different to homebush boys high school or any other schools within the mainland. I would say that was the first step to terrorism throwing pop bombs on each others. It seemed that it's alright. But deep down I'm worried for them. What if something bad happened to one person in their group? What if there's a casualty? One person  became blind from these pop bombs? Whose gonna take the responsibility? And then they live with that guilt for the rest of their lives.
Education please shed light and tame these savages.

Nice & kind

Everyone can be nice. It's the truth, it is not hard to be nice or even just pretend to be nice. But many people choose not to. Why? Well, being too kind and nice makes you more vulnerable more susceptible to torments and insults and also schemes of others.
People do treat kind people as meat. They think that it is okay to toss and throw away the heart that was offered to them. And as a simple fact kind people suffer more than anyone else. Because they live in the hope and faith that people could be like themselves with an open heart.
Never has it been true, but kind people don't like to face reality. Reality are somewhat frightful to them and being kind can be regarded as secondary form of escapism .
This form of escapism transforms all their depression and suffering into a delusional gratification. By being nice, they force themselves to believe that everyone else is the same.
Most people don't understand. Neither do I.