Loss

So you win some and you loss some. There is something I really dislike about that saying and I think a little tweaking to the words better express how I feel. You win some yet* you lose some. The sense of losing isn't pleasant, this is probably as a result of my past experience with grief. But with a friend's problematic mental issues, that fear of losing has engulfed me once again. I'm afraid that perhaps he still exists but my existence is wiped about from his memory. My scent, my voice and my words are washed away into the ocean of unknown. I hope it doesn't happen especially with one of my recent losses which I can't not grapple. I think the fear of losing is innate in every man. My recent conversation Monique about her boyfriend's over protectiveness exemplies this. Guys well they are fragile I guess. When they lose something, they want to understand the how and the why which are often don't have answers. I haven't understood the reason I lost her as a friend. Perhaps it's a way of telling me that we ain't made for each other and there goes David's snickering in the background.  Yeh Yeh unrequited love. Loss makes men crazy because we want control. When people no longer are able to control others, they want to at least have control over their own lives and relationship. If they can't then they can't. So it goes we win some and we lose some or yet we lose some. But what if my win is not lose anything. Maybe that is too much to ask for. But you never want your wild dreams to fade to black. 

Freshman

We are still young. Young enough to not take any responsibility. But when we get busted who is it to blame. It wouldn't you nor would it be. Perhaps we blame it on someone else. Maybe her the one who always sits by the side of the room? Or maybe the guy who keeps asking questions ridiculous questions? Or maybe we should blame the man who fail to clean the floor? Maybe we should blame god for playing these ridiculous pranks on us. But can we? We are struck in confusion, looking into each others eyes, thinking if there was one more thing we could do for him what would it be.  Listen to what he was saying? See him for one last time which none of us did for 3 years? We have been selfish maybe that was how we went to live at this age. We are still fresh, none of us really understood what nature is capable of. But we keep taunting that beast.