The korea trip has made me realise quite a few things. One of the most significant thing that happened was me- I have broken one of my codes, my disciplines and made out with a girl. It was quite funny, unexpected and unacceptable at the same time. Although memories were blurry, I do kind of remember the events that led up it.
It was dark and it was dizzy, I was at the point of intoxication where I want to be left alone and not be disturbed. Having a table at club is quite a splendid idea, I was pleased by having a spot and enjoyed the hallucinating sensation within the murkiness of the club. There was a white shadow that swayed from left to right and remained in front of me for a while. I took note and i took note again as it swayed. Once, twice, three and four times…. I lost count and i walked up, tapped her on the shoulder and gestured her to follow me.
She smiled and grabbed me by my hands. Funny how i wasn’t the one who held her hand first. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she smiled. We drank, we exchanged conversation on notes and i found pleasure after hearing her name was Jihyun. We danced and then we made out.
I don’t remember how it felt but nonetheless it was my first kiss. Unfortunately, it was quite regretful for being my first kiss but what is done is done.
Now i come to tell you as to why I kissed her. I present an evidence from that night. It was meant to be secret, but this blog is one of my secrets.
“ What are the chances between us
It's slim but then I start to think about the the jihyun in very beginning and the. I think about the jihyun that is now
And there it is the thought ahry comes to run down the waterfall
Steeply
But smoothly
We all know what it's our …..”
When I was drunk that night, I composed this poem. It is incomplete and up until now I still wonder what finished this poem. Our what? Why didn’t I finish it? What was I trying to say? In the hours of being hangover, I thought about that night lie between the possibility of my feelings for my idealistic form of romance and my despair. I sounded desperate perhaps. But it became clear to me that I might’ve kissed her because her name was Jihyun. But that would mean I might have feelings for Jihyun. I don’t know what I wanted to achieve out of this but Im sure that Im at a crisis where I have two people I like. I still wanted it to be Ahry. But Ahry and I haven’t been working out, although lately, ahry suspiciously started messaging me more. Perhaps its a sign that we are more natural with each other, but I’m being cautious. I have to figure out what i want wiht jihyun and if i found an answer. Im going for it and putting my friendship at risk.
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