I had brunch with Ahry alone for the first time since Yumcha. I would consider this was the first time we came out to eat together out of friendship or whatever. Yumcha was more of a reparation for the accident at Porter, despite how optimistic I was, I did come to that conclusion. Brunch was going fine, we talked, we exchanged eye contact, we are, we laughed. It was quite fine and she smiled a lot and they were brilliant smiles. I teased her like I used to and there was that. Hemi and her mate coincidentally ate on the table next to us. I don't think they thought much about ahry and I, like they probably did assume stuff but why wouldn't them? Anyways, that was brunch and it was perfectly fine. I teased her like how I did after I started to get over her.
I thought everything was fine as it would seem.
I would also like to add that lately I got closer with landy through Skype study. For those who don't know, landy and ahry are what they call bff, people who tell each other everything share everything. I sometimes joke to her about how I liked ahry and she dont seemed that bothered by it.
Last night's conversation with Landy took a different turn. She told me things that I should've known or seen with my own eyes, but she told me in the end. I was quite disappointed in my own behaviour and I knew straightaway I should've done better or should be doing better. At that moment, a burn resided in my body to remind me how little I knew about Ahry and what have I been looking at for the past few months.
What I have also accepted is that I may have like Ahry simply based on appearance before. She is a cute girl and a very cute one and perhaps that's why I was overjoyed when she took my hand at Porter. People would think that my liking is really superficial and shallow. For me, I don't see much problem at the start, you need something to get you started and historically appearance always is the easiest option. What I failed to do is work beyond that, and this notion had kept me awake through the night. After hanging with her for so long, it is a little hopeless of me to understand her a little and look at stuff in her perspective. Don't get me wrong though, I wasn't being a dick, like I have been caring but it felt like a paternal care in a way.
I thought about it endlessly and I know I want to work on it again. It might be crashed again, but I want to work on it again. That cycles never ended in my head and in the background rings Landy's question " do you think ahry ever liked you?"
I thought we've established that she didn't already.
