Writing

Learning to write with flair is pretty difficult. I no longer read nor do I spend time putting my own thoughts to paper. All I could do now is come up with a sea of ideas, but never have I really captured that scene on paper. One book has always inspired me to write. Well, two books to be exact. They are "The Sense of an Ending" by Julian Barnes and "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby. It isn't that they produce explosion of vibrant images, using stimulating imageries or stunning juxtaposition, but its about the chemistry these words have formed with me. The words appear simple, but they establish a connection where you really think the person in the novel is you. Maybe, it is because of the similarity between the main character and I, how we are both sexual failures, except I'm probably in a more utterly dire situation compared to them. But, I really like that resigned, contemplative mood the novelist creates. It really does draw out experience and reality. I also enjoy this feeling of being old and coming into the state where you are willing to accept all consequences and all past failures that are no longer amenable. It hints a calming death, a silent and peaceful one where the old man smiles because he has had more than enough of what he had asked for.

Desperate

It hasn't been long since we became quite close and now she began to rely on me in some way. However, she hasn't seen me as a candidate for a love yet. She is getting desperate and is considering to try to fall in love with someone she doesn't even like. It makes me more desperate because I know I finally have a chance with her. I know that this would be better than before and I know that she'll get hurt if she ends up with. But time is running against me. If I have some more time, if I could somehow drag this out, I'm sure she'll realise that her life could be better with me.