trying so hard not to try so hard

Today is perhaps the kind of day where I'll be needing another "sad song" on repeat. Let me start with how the day unfolded. I woke up to a 7:09am's simple message of 'Sorry m8 i was asleep haha'. The timing was perfect, the message arrived as I was looking out for the time. I replied back quickly and i asked if i should call her now. She said "so earlyyy" and I went ahead and called regardless.
Anyways, there probably not many guys in the world who performs a 7:13 am confession and there's probably just one retard who will do that and that is me. I asked her out on a date and I got rejected. She said no nicely, but wanted to stay as friends and still wants to hang out. I didnt know how i feel about that and I just asked her if she wanted to come to my birthday dinner next week and I dont remember exactly what her reply was. Maybe she answered it and i forgot or maybe she didnt answer it at all. Regardless, I've invited her to the dinner and I'm expecting questions about it tomorrow and I have to answer it with a smile of my face and laugh that could dissolve the situation. But it bothered me less than I forgot.
I guess what really got to me lately is the organisation of the party. I do know what everyone has to make me feel like the bad guy because i didnt invite A. Everyone is saying " it will make the group awkward" and i acknowledge that but the way people but is as if they are apportioning blame on to me. For me, the group has ended long ago and I have no attachment to the idea of group as much as much. I once did, but everything changed. Everything changed because everyone became selfish and I have also became selfish. Some started off selfish, some turned selfish. Regardless, what i wanted to say about t to r is "I may have been t's close friend back in the days, but things have changed." We are both at fault for what happened, but this is what i have to say to r. "I am your close friend. Not T's. So don't expect me to cater his feelings for everything. I dont have ill will against him but i wont go as far as making him one of my priority."
And people stop expecting too much from me. Im having a hard time at trying so hard not to try so hard.