Every single person can be related to you via 7 degrees of mutual. That statement has been Paul's catch phrase every since the korea trip and in all honesty I don't particularly like that saying. It gives me a sense of confinement and highlights how small this world can be and how everyone can be related to each other. My detest for large groups slowly got worse during the korea trip as well. It isn't that I don't like the people I hang out with, but it is when a large group is formed, there tend to be a competition of some sort. It could be a competition of ideas, a competition of passion or a competition of lifestyle. In a way, it puts me in a grounding where I have to compete within the group or else my own presence is dulled. But regardless I have never been able to shine in big groups and that is precisely why I don't like it. I lack passion, I lack interests and I lack motivation.
Currently, my own group has began to intertwine with many others. It started with Julia and Simon and now followed Adrian's and Daniels group. Honestly, I don't mind all these people if I were to hang out with them once in a way, but now it seems more like we are doing everything together and that upsets me. There was a few incidents that got to me when we were hanging out together. In korea, on the first night when we met up with them, paul mentioned soemthing that happened without our own airbnb and I got instantly angry. Like why. I already hate large groups and people start exposing stuff. I got so angry to the point that I took my glasses off and negated all of their existences for a solid hour. Yesterday was triggering as well. I don't mention I'm with any girls with ahry and they bring up some random shit like "didn't you not go to the roadtrip just to have a date with Ji hyun". It annoyed me a little, given that there’s is turbulence between Daniel, Simon and I. I’m slowly backing out despite desperately convincing myself that i want her. But then I’m just a lil Bitch.
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