Old Days New Days

"Tomorrow will not be the same as today", this saying is what have been governing the foundation of humanity and life throughout history. For a depressed person, tomorrow becomes hope for a change in their life, they long for improvement and in time, they hope it will come to them. As for happy individuals, tomorrow is probably taken in a different way. Happy people don't worry about the future because they live in the present. Instantaneous gratification is one way to describe their feelings, but being happy will make people wonder whether tomorrow is going to be better or worse. Happy people are curious people and they live for tomorrow in the sense that they do not know life is going to throw at them. If they encounter a pile of shit, then they can blow it with "I've had good times". If the day is the same or better, then they have nothing to worry about. 

But, there are people who don't believe in changes. People who don't see the value of future being better than present. Those people sit in a zone called resignation, they don't see good things separate from bad things. In their mind, all they think about is good things will all become bad and in the end everything comes down to doom and destruction. These people would be considered to be unhealthy individuals.

Lately, I feel like that self-destructive mentality is taking over me. I wouldn't say the word again. Because before I was physically self-destructive, but now im intellectually and emotionally worn off. I would say I want to live, but I no longer have an desire for anything good to happen. I just hope that I dont get hurt as much and I hope I can find peace somewhere. The phase for finding myself has ended and I ultimately realised that with my current environment finding myself is hardly possible. My love life is once again a failure and I don't think I have the energy to continue to pursue it, and family issues continually hit me like a machine gun. I told myself that Tomorrow will not be the same as today many times in the last few years, but I said it to the point where the meaning of this saying no longer reach out to me. My father had been a liar, and my life have been a lie for quite some time as well. In the end, I've become one more sacrifice for this rat race called reality.